Some of the feedback I’ve gotten so far from readers is that my writing style is flabbergasting. Some of that is on accident, some of it is on purpose.

I’m going to try to simplify my next book. I like using complex and meticulous language, but it can be exhausting for readers used to a lot of dialog and simple hooks. A lot of popular literature sticks with a less-comprehensive style, and for good reason.

In my journey from academic writing to fiction, I picked up a few habits. I love using a rich, thick description of events with plentiful, meticulous use of language. I love immersing a reader into a world of exacting rhetoric and colorful imagery… then hitting them in the face with a baseball bat.

I think it’s fun and exciting to make a reader pause to contemplate the language and use of alliteration, then quickly hit them with simple profanity and crude text that is the complete opposite of what they just read. Some of my favorite authors do it from time to time, but I do it a lot. I liken it to the exacting and detailed act of repairing a watch, then smashing it to bits with a baseball bat.

Here’s a few examples…

Each man in the operation only knew what his own job was. This was accomplished by assigning levels of responsibility by differing members of the Gallo family. For instance, Mike only knew Jimmy Stinks and Redeye would need a three-hour alibi. He would receive his orders from Howie “Fish” Johnson and be paid $323.00 in small bills. The drivers received their orders and a different amount of cash from two other members of the family and would only know that they were supposed to deliver the vehicles to a salvage yard for destruction. Only Redeye and Jimmy Stinks were given their orders from the capo, Gene “Sugarcane” Oralia. The three and Steve Gallo were the only ones in the organization that knew Moshe Greenblatt was assigned forced retirement. All the players in the plan were given orders with strict timelines days before Stinks and Redeye received their orders earlier on Christmas Eve. Unlike the CIA and Spectrum, compartmentalization worked in the Mafia’s favor. But none of that shit happened. (Chapter 8)

Another of my favorites, from chapter 23…

The wind continued to increase in strength. The sound of sand and small rocks pelting tin and aluminum was monotonous and loud enough that one had to shout to be heard. The laborers noticed a slumped figure in the passenger seat of the white Range Rover and began attempting to start their truck to make an escape. They recognized the white Range Rover and its deceased occupant and that it was now being driven by a stranger. Because the deceased man in the Rover was a very dangerous man, and not to be trifled with, the laborers ascertained that whomever killed him was worse.

Mr. White was dressed in leather boots, tan cargo pants, a Hawaiian shirt and wrap-around Oakley sunglasses. He walked through the blowing wind and dust to the passenger side of the Rover as the workers frantically attempted to start the truck engine. Mr. White opened the Rover’s door and retrieved a green army knapsack from the lap of the now-deceased city elder of Segeg, Ethiopia. Abel Hakim was 39 years old when he mysteriously/purposefully died of kidney failure. He had no previously known medical conditions and was a national qualifier in the steeple chase.

The athlete’s arm flopped down from his lap when Taylor removed the heavy green bag. Mr. White attempted several times to place the dangerous city elder’s arm back into the Rover before shutting the door. After the third flopping of the arm, he said, “Fuck it,” and left the door open.

A lot of the time, I’m trying to recreate a recurring technique used by Quantin Tarantino. In several movies, Tarantino will build a scene with incredible detail, anticipation and curiosity, only to end it quickly with a few shocking shots. One that sticks out quite a lot is the final chapter of “Four Rooms” where Tarantino recreates “The Man from the South,” an old Hitchcock episode. (Based on a short story by Roald Dahl.)

Pinky finger bet scene | Four Rooms – YouTube